Monday, October 31, 2011


Jack and his family

This post has some explanations;

In the Land of Tummy, Halloween was never celebrated, and so us older ones don't really know what it is all about. Yet over the last few years, the wee little ones from all over the Land of Tummy seem to understand exactly what it is about;

Dressing up and eating lollies!

(lollies are also known as candy in many parts of the world.)

Wee Tiny, being very tiny was looking forward to the unbridled unhinged lollie festival that is Halloween. Even though she is very tiny, she seems to have some grasp on what is going on, and felt that I should understood the importance of Halloween.

So Wee Tiny explained it to me

Wee Tiny: A hello-ing, a lollies!
Me: Errr...what?

So Wee Small clarified what Wee Tiny had explained.

Wee Small: You go a hello-ing and you get lollies.
Me: A hello-ing?

The Little One, being the eldest, applied logic to Wee Small's clarification of Wee Tiny's explanation.

The Little One: You go to peoples places and say "Hello" and they give you lollies. That is why it is called "Hello-ing."

So we went to many peoples places that had orange and black balloons, the little ones said hello, and they got lollies. It seemed to work for them. We all had fun even though none of us really know what it is all about.

The next day Wee Golden dropped by, and I thought I would ask him what it is all about. Wee Golden thought I was silly, and he didn't tell me what it was about. Though Wee Golden did tell me something about Halloween that he thought I should know.

Wee Golden: It's not going to be Halloween for another six hundred and ninety five years.

Well that is a shame, but I think the little ones may just have enough lollies to last until then.


Saturday, October 29, 2011

breaking records

..and I don't mean smashing music on the floor.

The nature of this rambling story begins with a boy.

Wee Golden!
He has turned up!
All the way here! - On The Other Side Of Tummy Mountain!

He is very small but obviously very clever to have worked out how to get here.

Being very clever he told us that the tallest thing in the world is a giraffe.
Wee Small disagreed and said the tallest thing in the world is a house.
Wee Golden, being very clever, didn't miss a beat when he revised his first statement and told us that the tallest thing in the world is a giraffe on the roof of a house.

At this point the Tummy Mountain Department of Measurements and Weights intervened, in the interests of scientific accuracy, to present this graph in the form of an equation, ensuring that there cannot be any confusion as to what is the Tallest Thing in the World.

The evidence is pretty compelling. Neither the giraffe or the house can quite claim the record, but when combined it is incontrovertible. Government agencies from across the globe have contacted the little ones to update their data.

This is sure to get an entry in "The Tummy Book of Records" right after Wee Tiny's sensational "Most Butterflies Chased Across A Garden In a Ten Minute Period."


Saturday, October 22, 2011

the past

Time flies and I have been unpacking, unpacking, unpacking boxes forever. Even though we have been on the other side of tummy mountain for a month now there are still many more boxes to go. The little ones love all these boxes - raw materials for time machines, spaceships, cubby houses.

The little ones are doing their wee things, but I have not been focused enough in my role as Tummy Mountain Official Chronicler to bring you an update on the momentous events in their lives. I am sure if there is an official inquiry I will be sacked for negligence and incompetence. But who would take my place? I am certain that not only is my role hereditary - it is also lifelong! I am afraid they will just have to put up with me.

And so instead - a tale of the past. Inspired by comments from the last post.

When I was as wee as Wee Small I was playing with my Lego in the lounge room. I had made a spaceship that was about a foot and a half long. Just the right size for deep space exploration under the command of the heroic Captain Kraarg. Admiring Lego citizens gathered at the launch pad as final preparations were being made. Even my mother came to watch, though she wasn't smiling and waving like the Lego citizens - in fact she looked quite angry. She squatted down to get a closer view, she picked up the spaceship, and then she hurled it into the high ceiling where it exploded! Scattering debris over the entire lounge room, and leaving a shattered fuselage stuck in the ceiling like some huge sick plastic insect, from which occasional pieces of Lego rained down.

Well that was a bit unexpected.

Being a small child I was a bit confused, but I had worked something out over the intervening seconds - I was in trouble - probably very big trouble.

Was it that the Lego had taken over the entire lounge room for a week?
Should I have contained Space Station Xaxxar to the corner of the room?
Had I been asked to clean it up?
I do not recall.

Even though I was very small I knew instinctively that this was not good and that I would be in even more trouble when my father got home, and that maybe right now was a good time to run away.

Nervously I looked up at my mother quivering with rage. She pointed the "don't even think about going anywhere" finger at me and stormed out of the room to get a broom to knock the stuck fuselage pieces down from the ceiling.

Seconds ticked by.

I stood still.

So many emotions coursing through me - scared, nervous, and also strangely elated at the most thrilling flight that any of my spaceships had ever made! And to a destination that none of them had ever been before! The Mysterious Planet Urgruggtheesh with Inverted Gravity - only a legend to the most seasoned space explorers, but now a reality because of Captain Kraarg's amazing piloting skills after unknown difficulties during take off. Sure, the spaceship was obliterated but Captain Kraarg was safe and hanging upside down in the wreckage, smiling.

My mother, purple with rage, re-entered the atmosphere of the lounge room. Now was probably not the time to mention how funny Captain Kraarg looked hanging upside-down from the ceiling. She used the broom to knock most of the rest of it down. Except for a few pieces that had gone into the plaster and had pushed a hole through the ceiling. Those bits had to be taken down by standing on a ladder - which my father did when he got home. He was not impressed and I was punished old school style even though it was not me that wrecked the ceiling. The injustice of life!

For many years afterwards we had a strange hole in the ceiling and very clear circular impressions of Lego in the plasterwork. A reminder of the past until one day as a teenager it was repaired and painted over becoming just a memory of the past.


Thursday, October 6, 2011

the games small people play

Wee Small and Wee Tiny were playing a board game together. It didn't quite work as Wee Small can't read, and Wee Tiny can't play because she loses the pieces, sits on the board, complains when it is not her go, and wanders off sometimes (as you do when you are very tiny.)

- neither of them like to lose.

Let's skip over that part and get to the bit about packing up the game.
Which neither of them did.

This is how it went; Wee Small stopped The Little One as she walked past. The Little One had not participated in the game at all, yet to Wee Small's reasoning The Little One (being the eldest) should be the one to pack it up as she knew where the game went on the shelf, whereas Wee Small (being small) did not.

The Little One reasoned that she had nothing to do with it and wasn't going to put it away. An argument began.

Let's skip that part.

I think we all know that I packed up the game.

Let's skip that part.