Wednesday, June 29, 2011

is there a doctor in the house?

Little Hoot is having surgery. It seems that his wing is hanging off. Little Hoot is a little bit worried, but he shouldn't be. Wee Small informs me that Manatee will be performing the operation.

Manatee has apparently admitted that he hasn't performed any surgical tasks ever, but not to worry, he is a very good doctor.

Little Hoot is lying on the operation table. There are a lot of buzzing noises - these come from Wee Small's mouth (she is assisting Dr. Manatee with the operation). It seems Manatee is performing the operation using a knitting needle.

"Is that the right way to operate?" I ask.
"Yes," replies Wee Small. "Little Hoot can't feel anything. He is frozen solid."
"Err, well, lucky for him I suppose."
"Yes," continues Wee Small "Manatee is using those tweezers that doctors use. What are those tweezers called?"
"Err... tweezers?" I guess
"Well," says Wee Small "Manatee doesn't have any of those tweezers so he is using a peg."
"And Manatee is fixing hoot with the peg," she continues "...and he is also using the peg to get rid of Little Hoots fleas."
"He has fleas?!?!"
"Yes, lots of fleas. Look at all the big fleas that Manatee found."

Wee Small shows me some fluff.

"Ahh... " I reply with relief, "Well that must feel better for Little Hoot, but I thought he needed his wing fixed."
"We're not up to the Wing. We are up to the fleas. It's very serious. He needs to go into the squishing machine."
"The squishing machine?!?"
"Yes , he is a little thin. He needs to be nice and fat. This is going to hurt a lot."
"The squishing machine?" I repeated
"And NOW!" Wee Small shouts, "Manatee WILL FIX Hoot's wing in TEN SECONDS FLAT!"
"What happened to the squishing machine?" I repeat. Wee Small ignores this.
"La la la la la la LA LA" sings Wee Small, "la la la LA LA."

Little Hoot falls off the operating table and onto the floor. Wee Small is not happy about that. It seems that this will hinder Manatee's attempt to fix Little Hoot's wing in ten seconds flat.

"Okay! Let's do this properly now!" she states with a certain grim determination. Does that mean it wasn't being fixed properly before?

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight..."

Wee Small realizes at this point that it is going to take Manatee more than ten seconds.

"...nine, NiiiNNE, um....,nnnnniiiiinnnne, um ....nnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeee, nnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeee, nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnNNNNNNNNNnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnNnNNNnNnNnNnNnNnNNnnNnNnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Wee Small is running out of breath making that 9th second last for minutes.

And at this point of the operation I was called away urgently to perform some more mundane duties, and missed the thrilling conclusion. Later on I asked Wee Small how did it go.

"Oh Little Hoot was alright," she remarks casually, "except that he fainted."
"Was it the shrinking machine?" I asked. I just can't let that go.
"No! It was because he had just had his wing stitched up." replied Wee Small "And Dr. Manatee said he had to stay in bed for three days or he'd get angry with Hoot."

I am pretty certain that Little Hoot did not follow Dr. Manatee's advice. I don't think it matters much as Dr. Manatee is a quack.


humel said...

I'd follow Dr Manatee's advice if the consequences of not doing so included facing Dr Manatee's anger. But then, if I'd just had my wing surgically reattached using a knitting needle and peg, I'd want to spend at least 3 days in bed anyway. (And it would probably take me that long to defrost, anyway.)

TummyMountain said...

I suspect Little Hoot was looking at a medical malpractice case against Dr. Manatee, but the good doctor had done such fine work with such bizarre tools in ten seconds flat that Little Hoot may have had to just accept a little bit of rest. Anyway, I think Little Hoot was happy with the grapes in the bowl by his bed.

Martha said...

I'd certainly be happy with a bowl of grapes by my bed. Especially if someone was standing nearby with a large fan in their hands...

Knitting needles and pegs... maybe I could become a doctor without going to college after all!

TummyMountain said...

Maybe there is a doctor within us all. Just given the right tools, the possibilities are endless...

Martha said...

Now where did I leave that steak knife?

Veganosaurus said...

Sounds to me like Wee Small is just about ready to become a little doctor herself.